Got any exciting plans for this coming Thursday? Perhaps you've got front row tickets for a Black Eyed Peas concert. Maybe you're meeting your biological father for the first time in your life, a result of him faking his death to escape a hefty mob debt while you were a toddler. Perhaps you've enrolled in Afro-Cuban disco step funk classes at your local community college. Maybe you simply plan on tending to your piñata garden, reclining in the swaying shade of the monkeynut trees. All those sound great -- which is why it gives us a heavy heart to inform you that none of those things, not your estranged progenitor, your community college, your precious piñatas, or Will.i.am, will exist on Thursday.

The Large Hadron Collider, a sixteen-mile long, seven story tall ring of death which straddles the border of Germany and Switzerland, will see to that. We're not exactly sure what it does, but we are fairly certain of a few things -- for instance, we know that despite its colossal size, it runs almost entirely on car batteries and hubris. We also know that it's the world's biggest particle collider, and that trying to shoot one particle into another from miles away is pretty difficult. Oh, also, we know that during its inaugural run this Wednesday, it's going to create a sustainable black hole that's going to devour mankind, the Milky Way galaxy, and Will.i.am.

Sure, the eight-thousand physicists that have worked on the project have assured mankind that the odds of that last event occuring are approximately one-in-a-thrillion -- but of course they would say that. We know the truth, and have already begun selling our automobiles, gaming systems, and houses to afford a sturdy craft that will carry us far from the gravity well's sinister reach. Unfortunately, we're pretty certain we bought a 1974 Gremlin wrapped in duct tape with a jumbo-size roman candle tucked into the tailpipe. We'll let you know how it works out for us.

- DS Lite: 56,439 444 (0.79%)
- PSP: 41,664 5,940 (12.48%)
- Wii: 35,755 582 (1.65%)
- PS3: 9,775 755 (8.37%)
- PS2: 8,810 390 (4.63%)
- Xbox 360: 3,124 427 (12.02%)

[Source: Media Create]

See: The Black Eyed archives

We imagine that video game developers and publishers aren't pleased when their blockbuster titles receive the banhammer's blow before their release dates -- which is why we're so perplexed by the recent drama surrounding Electronic Arts' upcoming "tactical dismemberment" shooter, Dead Space. Destructoid reported Thursday that the game's community manager, Andrew Green, recently broke the regrettable news that the title had been banned in Germany, Japan and China -- however, GamePolitics has more than a few qualms with this announcement.

Not only is it peculiar that all three bans happen to emerge at the same time, but GP points out that none of the ratings boards of the three nations mentioned have made any announcements on the matter -- even more notably, neither has EA. Also, as one eagle-eyed GP reader pointed out, it's impossible under German law to ban a product before its release. Further negating the German ban, Videogaming247 reports that the title is apparently still going through the ratings gauntlet of Germany's censorship board, the USK.

Regardless of whether this is a misguided publicity stunt, an unfortunate miscommunication, or proof that Andrew Green has mysterious psychic abilities, we certainly hope EA clears up the confusion with a quickness.

We turned on Too Human this morning (no, really) and found an auto update. Hoping it might have shortened the Valkyrie death sequence, we immediately unequipped all weapons and armor and ran naked (figuratively) into battle, only to be faced with the same 15.5-second consequence. We also thought the menu screen loaded faster, but that is all apparently just in our heads.

In a forum post this morning, Silicon Knights president Denis Dyack revealed that the update "fixed some connectivity issues and was done prior to release. It does not contain any balance or gameplay changes." Better luck next time.

Have you been curious about what Sting would look like all wire-framey and covered in ping-pong balls ever since you heard the news that the former Police frontman would make an appearance in Guitar Hero: World Tour? Good news, our little Desert Roses -- you need not look further than a recent promo for the title which we've conveniently posted after the break. We know that you usually rest your clickin' finger during the weekend, but we assure you, making the jump is worth it -- not only do you get to see Mr. Sumner's digital manifestation in action, you also get to hear about his lack of prowess when it comes to jamming on fake plastic instruments (though we hear his tantric usage of Star Power is a breathtaking sight to behold).

Between all the hip nerdrock concerts and multifaceted gaming marathons, it was easy to forget that PAX 2008 was a pretty sweet place for developers to show off their big titles. Not that Epic really needs to spread the word about their sequel to 2006's chainsaw-wielding bestseller, Gears of War 2 -- regardless, our Bleszinski-loving sister site, Xbox 360 Fanboy, recently got a chance to sit down with the lead artist and writer for the Locust massacring simulator to ask about some of the finer points of sequeling. If you find yourself hungry for details about the story and art direction for Gears the Second, we suggest hopping over to X3F and skimming through the twin interviews (or, if we may be so bold, the twinterviews).

This week pretty much rounds out our PAX 2008 coverage. We've got interviews with The lead artist and writer behind Gears of War 2 as well as an interview with the creator of Schizoid. Let's not forget our hands-on look at Pirates vs. Ninjas Dodgeball and a chance to win a copy of Smash Court Tennis 3. Click on.

Community

• Xbox 360 Fancast Special -- PAX 2008
  Listen. Or don't. But seriously, listen.
• Fanswag Weekly: Smash Court Tennis 3
  We're giving it away for free. It's tennis!
• X3F TV -- Watch the Rock Band song export process
  Prepare for the future
• PAX 08: Lead GoW2 artist and writer talk Lancer polys, deaths and comics
  Talkin' 'bout Gears of War 2
• Ask X3F: The solitude of space edition
  So ... how's your girl?
• PAX 08: Wrapping up the X3F Sticker Gallery
  You got stuck, son!

News

• Hands-on: PvN Dodgeball's new multiplayer modes
  Pirates? Ninjas? Dodgeball? Vs?
• PAX 08: Torpex talks Schizoid, sales, marketing strategies and XNA development
  On Schizoid sales
  
• PAX 08: Hands-on Halo 3's Assembly
  So purple ...
• PAX 08: Castle Crashers patch promised to release ASAP
  It had better
• Official list of Gears of War 2 achievements
  Beat that meatflag!

With the NFL regular season just barely underway, there's plenty of time for the Madden Curse to sink its hooks into Mr. Favre's vulnerable ankle, but for now, EA is busy squashing a host of bugs that have crawled out of the bowels of latest edition of Madden. The major pest is a freezing issue that can crop up during play calling and highlight screens, reports IGN. Senior designer Ian Cummings has documented most, if not all known bugs on the game's Producer Blog, recommending various workarounds while the team puts together a patch. EA is targeting "less than a 3 week turnaround" from last Tuesday for the update to be released. So put a big checkmark next to the 16th and cross your fingers.

It's no secret: You love Geometry Wars 2, we love Geometry Wars 2, everybody loves it. We recently talked with Bizarre Creation's Stephen Cakebread, Senior Coder, and Craig Howard, Games Manager, to find out how they crafted the game that won our hearts.

It would seem to the layman that, with as popular as Geometry Wars was, a sequel would be pretty easy to crap out. Why wait so long?

Howard: Because the first one was so well received, it would have cheapened the game if we just knocked something out and not given it a lot of thought. We wanted something to make sure it was something we'd be really proud of.

Cakebread: Our inital plan was to get it our a year later and then the plan was to ship it when Gotham 4 shipped and that didn't work out either. It really was a case that we weren't going to ship it until we were ready to ship it. It might seem silly, but it took us quite a while to figure out a graphical style that still looked like the original. One of our big things was when people came to our stations we wanted them to say "Oh, is that a sequel to Geometry Wars?" rather than "Is that Geometry Wars?" It took us quite a while to come up with something that really worked. We tried some mad stuff.

Like what?:

Howard: What didn't we do? [laughs]

Since CNBC analyst Jane Wells granted us poor peons a glimpse into "the ultimate proof Sony is winning" two months ago, we at Joystiq have been eagerly awaiting another chance to hear from her son, the twelve16-year-old oracle who sealed Microsoft's fate by trading his Xbox 360 for a PS3. And lo, today the all-knowing king of business analysis didst speak once more, granting his youthful wisdom to us poor, unwashed masses.

"Hear me!" came the oracle's booming, high-pitched voice from on high as he surveyed his subjects from his beanbag chair throne. "Though mine PS3 still brings me pleasure, the pleasure of Xbox Live friends may be one that I have treated too lightly. My patience waiting for an offering of new games from Sony has forced me once more to explore the shores of Azeroth. Lo, though times are tough, do not be tempted by the spawn of Nintendo, for I would not be caught dead with that thing."

With that, the doors of knowledge closed with a shattering thud, once again leaving us confused and in the dark. Still, we thank our benevolent information masters for this new glimpse into the heart of the game industry, however brief.

Three tracks from metal band All That Remains will be next week's Rock Band DLC offering. The songs "Two Weeks" and "Chiron" are off the band's latest album, Overcome, which will release Sept. 16. The tracks are offered at a special price for now and will cost double in one month.

All That Remains Pack (240 / $3)

• "This Calling" (80 / $1)
• "Chiron" (80 / $1)
• "Two Weeks" (80 / $1)

Videos for the tracks can be found after the break. The songs will be available for download next Tuesday and Thursday for Xbox 360 and PS3, respectively.

Look guys, the cute little cartoon characters thing? Yeah, that ain't workin' so much these days. Folks are upset, and rightly so. Castle Crashers is broken. We know, we know, you told us a patch was coming. But why isn't it here yet!

... Er, what's that you say? You just had a "great talk" with Microsoft about it? Well, by golly, gosh, that's great news! But, you say. But what? But you don't have a "specific time frame"? Oh, don't worry about it. Those 1200 are just water under the bridge ... Aw, would you look at that: Those knights with their big blocky heads and stumpy wumpy hands -- how precious.

[Via The Escapist]

OK, fanboys, before you hit that spittle-flecked "post comment" button after just reading that inflammatory headline question, hear us out. We're not just idly speculating here -- we're basing our query on an unusually frank quote from Microsoft Senior Vice President of Interactive Entertainment Business Don Mattrick. In an interview with BusinessWeek, Mattrick said that he's "not at a point where I can say we're going to beat Nintendo." Coming from a guy whose job it is to promote Microsoft's position in the market, that's a pretty big admission of doubt. It's not just Mattrick that's doubtful-- analyst Billy Pidgeon told the magazine, "I expect the 360 to remain in second place this generation. But it's going to be close."

The question, then, becomes how much this sales position really matters. Microsoft's sales might fall just shy of Nintendo's, but that doesn't seem to be hurting the company's ability to attract big-name games or roll out new features for the system. In fact, with Nintendo's decidedly less powerful system catering to a decidedly different audience, Microsoft's position relative to Nintendo might not matter nearly as much as their position relative to Sony. And on that score Mattrick has no doubt: "We will sell more consoles this generation than Sony," he told BusinessWeek.

Joining Hendrix, Ozzy and others, Sting will be walking around the virtual concert halls of Guitar Hero World Tour. According to the press release, you can play as Sting during the vocal career "or play alongside him" in the Police track, "Demolition Man." Additionally, three songs from Tool (who are not bringing their likenesses to the game) have been confirmed: Parabola, Schism, Vicarious.

We now know about 65 tracks of the reported "over 85" tracks. With about seven weeks to go before its October 26 North American launch, when do we get to learn the rest of the tracklist? More importantly, where's our virtual likeness of Lars Ulrich?

Ubisoft sent out a press release this morning confirming that Far Cry 2 will hit European retail shelves on October 24th. The company also announced a collector's edition, which comes in a wooden box. The fine wooden case, sure to be made from only the finest trees (not really), will deliver the game, t-shirt, art book, collector's map and "making-of" DVD.

We're still waiting to hear back officially from Ubisoft if North America should plan on getting the game on October 21st, which is what many retailers are currently showing as the release date. Update: GameSpot confirms the date is the 21st.

Intel is rumored to be heavily courting Microsoft for inclusion of its high-performance GPU Larrabee in the next-generation Xbox, according to The Inquirer. Its source states that Intel is willing to make a lot of major concessions, the logic being that inclusion in the console would compel game makers to develop for the chipset, thus increasing interest in the consumer PC market and making a dent in the GPU market dominated by ATI and Nvidia. It's certainly not a far-fetched scheme; we'd be surprised if Intel didn't at least make a pitch to Microsoft, regardless of the actual terms.

The Xbox 360 currently uses a PowerPC-based CPU from IBM and a GPU designed by ATI. Should this rumor prove true, our first reaction is "cool" and our second is to wonder about backwards compatibility, which became an issue given that the original Xbox's GPU was based on a different, Nvidia-based architecture in comparison to its successor.

[Via Tweaktown; Thanks, Tigerj]